Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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