I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it