Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken