Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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  (952): I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it. http://tfl.nu/soz7
  Replies (3) Good night (1142) Bad night (405)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Got yourself a keeper right there.

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  (905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use. (416): Got yourself a keeper right there. http://tfl.nu/t8iu
  Replies (26) Good night (4904) Bad night (795)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4764) Bad night (599)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.

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  (210): I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day. http://tfl.nu/nvhr
  Replies (53) Good night (3570) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class

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  (865): Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class http://tfl.nu/k0s2
  Replies (23) Good night (4458) Bad night (1395)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?

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  (+44): Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill? http://tfl.nu/844o
  Replies (14) Good night (3682) Bad night (1719)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.

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  (314): I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often. http://tfl.nu/x1ce
  Replies (7) Good night (3204) Bad night (764)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies

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  (906): Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies http://tfl.nu/62p5
  Replies (12) Good night (4081) Bad night (985)
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  (518): View more from New York

  They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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  (518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower http://tfl.nu/ye9z
  Replies (10) Good night (3372) Bad night (875)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.

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  (636): At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him. http://tfl.nu/u9u9
  Replies (12) Good night (802) Bad night (2447)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

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  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (8141) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha

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  (317): I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha http://tfl.nu/cxju
  Replies (7) Good night (2096) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"

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  (831): After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!" http://tfl.nu/os8d
  Replies (4) Good night (2617) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on

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  (609): Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on http://tfl.nu/f543
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Americans.

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  (260): The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me. (314): What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?! (260): Americans. http://tfl.nu/hz6i
  Replies (6) Good night (651) Bad night (180)

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