Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"

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  (908): My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger" http://tfl.nu/twr9
  Replies (17) Good night (3377) Bad night (793)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?

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  (703): His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into? http://tfl.nu/n657
  Replies (32) Good night (785) Bad night (3830) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
  Replies (54) Good night (1236) Bad night (15594) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.

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  (908): I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me. http://tfl.nu/bgr1
  Replies (29) Good night (640) Bad night (4422) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.

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  (703): He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet. http://tfl.nu/muj7
  Replies (28) Good night (592) Bad night (6069) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.

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  (413): i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list. http://tfl.nu/l7yl
  Replies (15) Good night (4769) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1262) Bad night (3549) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.

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  (480): We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids. http://tfl.nu/o5lf
  Replies (15) Good night (3091) Bad night (1299)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.

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  (330): I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing. http://tfl.nu/hw5t
  Replies (6) Good night (1268) Bad night (2911) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them

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  (602): One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them http://tfl.nu/t9s2
  Replies (8) Good night (3273) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

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  (603): I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail. http://tfl.nu/cdnn
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
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  (789): View more from

  You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down

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  (789): You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down http://tfl.nu/6vfu
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (673)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How did you even find out?

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Oh.

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  (973): How did you even find out? (1-973): Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom." (973): Oh. http://tfl.nu/227x
  Replies (9) Good night (2538) Bad night (1002)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.

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  (309): Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9na7
  Replies (1) Good night (984) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

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  (407): It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate" http://tfl.nu/k3ux
  Replies (1) Good night (634) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt

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