A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.