Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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