Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there was a trapeze. enough said
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.