I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's just like the Real World with babies
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.