Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.

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  (843): Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca. http://tfl.nu/m05t
  Replies (21) Good night (881) Bad night (2838)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (71) Good night (40344) Bad night (1934)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.

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  (434): KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS. http://tfl.nu/51z5
  Replies (24) Good night (5261) Bad night (882)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

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  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8863) Bad night (1017)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

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  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (6010) Bad night (1466)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.

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  (678): We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward. http://tfl.nu/10ml
  Replies (3) Good night (978) Bad night (2386)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?

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  (254): What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch? http://tfl.nu/qe37
  Replies (11) Good night (1752) Bad night (550)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.

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  (206): I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine. http://tfl.nu/p8ml
  Replies (10) Good night (1417) Bad night (758)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.

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  (732): Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock. http://tfl.nu/432f
  Replies (10) Good night (1546) Bad night (622)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"

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  (937): She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!" http://tfl.nu/x0ik
  Replies (3) Good night (853) Bad night (527)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.

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  (+61): I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that. http://tfl.nu/nlmq
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (978)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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  (847): Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun http://tfl.nu/7pg6
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF

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  (267): he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment (267): HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF http://tfl.nu/xvhl
  Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (544)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm

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  (701): I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm http://tfl.nu/cb7y
  Replies (8) Good night (367) Bad night (602)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."

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  (561): He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating." http://tfl.nu/nn4t
  Replies (4) Good night (1007) Bad night (431)

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