Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
