Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

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  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (3509) Bad night (766)
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  (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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  (760): Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing. http://tfl.nu/culr
  Replies (29) Good night (907) Bad night (6242)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

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  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8962) Bad night (2031)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

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  (716): I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/lk8z
  Replies (25) Good night (6041) Bad night (1326)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.

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  (248): i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it. http://tfl.nu/5a93
  Replies (5) Good night (2441) Bad night (1050)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you

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  (214): If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you http://tfl.nu/i2kd
  Replies (7) Good night (1334) Bad night (2006)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.

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  (330): She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time. http://tfl.nu/qns1
  Replies (4) Good night (2944) Bad night (707)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth

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  (405): Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth http://tfl.nu/55g6
  Replies (0) Good night (983) Bad night (619)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.

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  (907): I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue. http://tfl.nu/inzh
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (551)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out

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  (970): I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out http://tfl.nu/cs49
  Replies (7) Good night (1462) Bad night (546)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms

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  (970): Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms http://tfl.nu/zzyw
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (916)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.

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  (412): he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love. http://tfl.nu/yxe9
  Replies (2) Good night (838) Bad night (361)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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  (260): Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way. http://tfl.nu/aiad
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (619)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  how don't worse things happen to you?

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  (306): and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say... (1-306): how don't worse things happen to you? http://tfl.nu/atvw
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (241)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"

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  (206): I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry" http://tfl.nu/6n64
  Replies (5) Good night (425) Bad night (321)

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