Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.