He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
