i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
