Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
NoShamevember. You game?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
