Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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