he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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