god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
