He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
