I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i need some magic done to my vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dear god my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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