btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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