Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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