No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
