Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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