Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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