went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
