Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
