Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
