i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
