My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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