I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
