I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
