:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
