My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
