I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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