my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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