At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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