My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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