I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
