I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
