these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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