Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
