I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
