what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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