I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
