I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my poor anus
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
