I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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