Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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