my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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