You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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