Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
