Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
