Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
