i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
