Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
