Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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