My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
