biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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