This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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