Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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