Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Still dying that you shit outside
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am available for nakedness
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
