rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know