I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober