Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.