I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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i've created a new STD.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.