Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?

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(425): View more from Washington

You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

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(607): View more from New York

i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th

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(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
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(208): View more from Idaho

Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.

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(815): View more from Illinois

my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

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(907): View more from Alaska

On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.

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