3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
