I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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