someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
