just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
