Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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