apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
