You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
