i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
