her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
