I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
