she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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