I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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