Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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