party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
