that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
